"Since my last report, he has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
"Works well when under constant supervision and when cornered like a rat in a trap."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
"This employee should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
Actual Quotes from military Officer Efficiency Reports
"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."
"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
"A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
"A photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued on."
"A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
"One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests."
"Fell out of the family tree."
"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
"Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
"He's so dense, light bends around him."
"If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
"It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
"Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
January 23rd 2009, 7:35 am